Here, have a condom. You pretend you don't like it,
But in fact you need it. Take it. So.
Now read the instrucions on the silvery surface of the cover.
You don't understand this language, but you like it because you know
that the message is meant for you.
Who knows, maybe it even speaks of you
Or someone may have written it with you in mind.
Open it. Without false modesty. It's yours
And you can do with it what you like. So.
Now press it to your mouth. No, no, you heard right,
To your mouth. If you find it difficult,
Close your eyes and imagine
That you're holding a piece of scented silk
Or a marguerite that you wish to kiss.
And now: blow. Yes, blow. Slowly, wait for the breath
To sweep all the rubbish out of you. Yes, like this,
It's getting bigger already. Blow harder. Can you see how big it's getting?
Do you like it? Enough now. It could fill out
The entire room, press you against the wall
And crush you. Enough, I say. It's time
For you to tie it. Sooooo. Now it's really
Only yours and you can do with it what you like.
Aaaah, I see that you've taken a red lipstick
And started to draw on it. You've drawn a spot.
And another. And underneath a laughing line.
I understand: you would like to draw me
And thus become my master, but you haven't really
Got me right and now you're angry. You're mad.
But - what's this? It seems that behind my smile.
Where there is nothing except the air your breathed out,
There is something. you know that's not possible, but
The feeling won't leave you. On the contrary:
You grow increasingly restless. You feel
As if you were getting lost in a dark forest
Or as if you couln't move your limbs any more.
You hate yourself when you're like this, so press your ear
Against the mouth you drew, and listen intently.
The breath which earlier you expended so gladly, suddenly stops.
Horrified, you listen again. Now
There is no doubt any more. In the emptiness of the condom
There is someone, and you know bloody well that
Only God can be where there is no one.
Astonished, you move away, for you never expected,
Let alone envisaged anything like it, and only now
Do you become really mad. More: mad with fear,
for you're no longer sure that in a moment,
When you produce a razor blade and slowly and deeply
Cut into me, I really will disappear forever.
Tu imaš kondom. Sprenevedaš se, da ga ne maraš,
A v resnici ga potrebuješ. Vzemi ga. Tako.
Sedaj preberi, kaj je napisano na srebrnkasti površini ovitka.
Tega jezika ne razumeš, a ugaja ti, ker veš,
Da je besedilo namenjeno tebi.
Kdo ve, morda celo govori o tebi
Ali pa je bilo napisano z mislijo nate.
Odpri ga. Brez lažne skromnosti. Tvoj je
In z njim počneš, kar hočeš. Tako.
Sedaj ga daj k ustom. Ne, ne, prav si slišal,
K ustom ga daj. Če ne moreš tako,
Zatisni oči in si predstavljaj,
Da držiš v rokah košček nadišavljene svile
Ali ivanjščico, ki jo želiš poljubiti.
In sedaj: pihni. Da, pihni. Počasi, počakaj, da sapa
Odnese vse, kar se je nabralo, iz tebe. Tako,
Se že veča. Še močneje pihni. Vidiš, kako velik postaja?
Ti je všeč? Seda je dovolj. Lahko bi se razrasel
Po vsem prostoru, te pritisnil ob zid
In te zmečkal. Dovolj, pravim. Čas je,
Da ga zvežeš. Takooo. Sedaj je resnično
Edinole tvoj in z njim lahko počneš, karkoli hočeš.
Aaa, vidim, da si vzel rdečo šminko za ustnice
In pričel po njem risati. Narisal si piko.
In še eno. In odspodaj smejočo se črto.
Sedaj razumem: rad bi narisal mene
In mi s tem zagospodoval, a me nisi ravno
Dobro zadel in sedaj se jeziš. Besen si.
Toda - kaj je to? Zazdi se ti, da za mojim nasmeškom,
Torej tam, kjer razen tvojega izdihanega zraka ni ničesar,
Nekaj je. Prav dobro veš, da to ni mogoče, a vseeno
Te ta občutek noče zapustiti. Nasprotno:
Vedno bolj si prevzet in nemiren. Občutek imaš,
Da se izgubaš v temnem gozdu
Ali da ne moreš več premikati svojih udov.
Sovražiš se, ko si takšen, zato prisloniš uho na usta,
Ki si mi jih narisal, in napeto prisluhneš.
Sape, ki so jo prej sam rad izgubljal, ti naenkrat zmanjka.
Zgrožen še enkrat prisluhneš. Sedaj
Ni več nobenega dvoma. V praznini kondoma
Nekdo je, in prekleto dobro veš, da je tam,
Kjer nikogar ni, lahko edino Bog.
Osupel so odmakneš, saj česa takega nisi nikoli
Pričakoval, kaj šele predvideval, in komaj sedaj
Postaneš zares beseb. Še več: nor si od strahu,
Saj nisi več prepričan, da bom čez hip,
Ko boš izvlekel britev in počasi in globoko
Zarezal vame, zares za vedno izginil.
